Why I Don’t Do It All (And Don’t Want To)

I used to think being a good mom meant saying yes to everything. School events, homemade treats, playdates, Pinterest-worthy parties—you name it, I was there. I thought my girls’ happiness depended on me doing it all.

Then Lily, my fourth daughter, was born.

The Turning Point

Lily was a sweet baby, but she was colicky and cried almost nonstop. She was born days before cookie season began during my first year as a Girl Scout leader. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and trying to care for three other little girls, plus running my party planning business. Postpartum depression hit me hard.

I remember crying in the shower so no one would hear me. I spilled an entire drink on my laptop from being sleep deprived and trying to squeeze work into what few spare moments I had while eating. Maternity leave doesn’t feel possible when you run a small business. I smiled at playdates while feeling completely empty inside. I told myself if I just tried harder, I could keep up.

But I couldn’t. I look back now and think, “how did I even survive that?” Running parties, shooting content, that whole time was really a blur.

Asking for Help Changed Everything

Therapy was my lifeline. Talking about how I truly felt made me realize I didn’t need to “do it all” to be a good mom.

I learned two big lessons:

• It’s okay to say no.
• It’s okay to ask for help.

At first, saying no felt selfish. But every time I said no to something that drained me, I said yes to peace, rest, and meaningful moments with my family.

My “Rubber and Glass Balls” Reminder

I’ve often told friends this: moms are always trying to keep so many balls in the air.

Some of those balls are rubber. If you drop them, they bounce back and you can deal with them later.

Others are glass. If you drop those, they shatter.

Learning which ones are rubber and which ones are glass has changed how I parent. Now I protect the glass balls—my family’s well-being, my mental health, and truly meaningful moments. The rest can wait.

What I Stopped Doing

I stopped volunteering for every school event.
I stopped staying up late making writing blog posts and creating content.
I stopped agreeing to playdates when I already felt stretched too thin.

Nothing fell apart. My girls still felt loved, celebrated, and happy.

What Saying No Made Space For

Saying no gave me more slow mornings making pancakes together.
It gave me relaxed bedtime snuggles instead of rushing through the routine.
It gave me small pieces of joy, reading a book, taking a walk, or simply breathing for a moment.

Doing Less Doesn’t Mean Failing

My daughters don’t need a perfect mom. They need a present one.

Learning to set boundaries helped me show up as the mom they really need. It also taught my girls that asking for help is strong, not weak.

Tips for Letting Go of the Pressure

• Choose your “best yes.” Say yes to what truly matters to you and your kids.
• Ask for help when you need it. A friend can bring snacks or help carpool.
• Stop comparing yourself to other moms online. Social media is not real life.
• Rest without guilt. You cannot care for others if you never care for yourself.

My Best Yes

I don’t do it all anymore, and I don’t want to.

Every time I say no to the extra noise, I say yes to the moments that matter most.